Cold riddles – How long has it been

Miss those old time jokes & riddles…Wonder if there are any more out there…sadly no one seems to share with me more than I share with them… 🙂

Q1) Ah Mei’s dad has 7 wives. The 5th and 7th are Africans. Guess a Chinese idiom.
A1) Wu Qi Ma Hei (乌漆麻黑 = 五七妈黑)

Q2) There’s a party in the forest. Who didn’t get to eat the cake!?!
A2) GRASS because Cao Mei Dan Gao (草莓蛋糕 = 草没蛋糕)

Q3) Ah bao was murdered! However, the police quickly found the killer. Who was it?
A3) Ah Dou because Dou Sha Bao (豆沙包 = 豆杀包)

Q4) Xiao Bai and Da Bai are bros. As Xiao Bai grows older, he looks more and more like his bro. Guess a Chinese idiom.
A4) Zhen Xiang Da Bai (真相大白= 真像大白)

Q5) Osama, Bush , Blair and Saddam play mahjong. Who will win first ??
A5) Saddam Hussein because Saddam Hu Xian (胡先)

Q6) What’s the panda’s 2 biggest wishes?
A6) Get rid of dark eyes ring & Taking colour photo

Q7) Who will pick up the dumpling (ba zhang) on the floor ?
A7) Xiang Long because Xiang Long Shi Ba Zhang (祥隆十八掌 = 祥隆拾ba zhang)

Q8) There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!!Which Male pencil is responsible?
A8) The one without the rubber

Q9) Xiao Ming drinks milk to grow up. What does Da Ming drink?
A9) Alcohol because Jiu Yang Da Ming (久仰大名= 酒养大明)

Q10) Which brand of shampoo is the wealthiest?
A10) “Lux” Super Rich

Q11) Which animal should you look for if you’re unable to open a bottle cap?
A11) Peacock because Kong Que Kai Ping (孔雀开屏 = 孔雀开瓶)

Q12) How many Brothers does Aladdin have?
A12) 3 brothers because 阿拉甲, 阿拉已, 阿拉丙 then followed by 阿拉丁

Q13) 放烟火为什么不会射到星星?
A13) 因星星会闪。

Q14) Which boat/ship/vessel does not have a TV ?
A14) MediaCorp because  Xin Chuan Mei Dian Shi (新传媒电视 = 新船没电视)

Q15) How could you tell if a person kenna bird flu?
A15) When he start to jiang niao hua (讲鸟话)

Q16) 一个半分熟的牛排和一个4分熟的牛排在路上碰面, 但他们没打招呼,为什么?
A16) Because 他们不熟 。

Q17) Farmer A sells Dogs. Farmer B sell Cats. What does Farmer C sell?
A17) Farmer C sells Medicine! Because Pharmacy!!

Q18) 糖果是公还是母的?Sweet is Male or Female?
A18) Female! 母的,因为糖会‘生’蚂蚁

Q19) Between a serial killer and a monk… who will become buddha first?
A19) 放下屠刀,立地成佛 [Put down your knife and become a buddha immediately

Q20) 不管你问到什么人,答案都是“没有”,请问那是什么问题?
A20) 你睡着了没?

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the bride wear white?”His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”The boys thinks about this, and then says, “Well then why is the groom wearing black…”

This is long letter from an Indian mother to her son… read it carefully… it’s hilarious!!!

My dear Jagjit, I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
I won’t be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here tookthe house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have tochange their address.
Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, n that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I’m not sureit works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain andhaven’t seen them since.
The weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The firsttime it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wantedme to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send inthe mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in thepocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting thegrass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club’s poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father’s last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died.
And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.
P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

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