What is going on?

So after a loooong break from writing…I thought it will be nice to continue once in a while. The idea is to rant, reminisce and most importantly to jot down thoughts so that e ‘me’ in the future has a chance to look back and reflect upon the old me. 

Now 2017, a mother of 2 boys, a teacher teaching lower primary…i do see the social fabric better. When i was in the media industry…things always feel so beautified, false and fluffed. It could be the way the industry was made to be. It could be the way people like glorified stuff and honestly, you can sell the truth which often is ugly to folks. Noone buys. But working as a teacher, I see much on the ground happenings which I am glad that I must have done loads of good deeds in the past to be able to live such a comfortable life in the present. There are just so many types of concerns to be worried about!

I am trying to inculcate this gratitude to my kids. Often I fail. But i do hope that they dont take things for granted and treasure every bit of experience, moments which many cant have. 

Now at 32, i have been gaining tons of weight. I am no longer slim, youthful…i do hope this will change. The determination is also not as strong as before. I am battling w heel spur, weight gain and other random aches which takes a toll on my body as each day progresses. All I try now is drink loads of water, eat less junk (tough call) and go yoga regularly. I cant wait for our new house to be ready so that maybe i can squeeze in regular gym time w my kids hovering around me. 

I do feel guilty towards zachy. He is not reading everyday and i am lazy to read now. I think this is really horrible and i must take it upon myself to guide him properly. It is tough having 2. Really. 😅 always telling my friends not to have kids. They are not a burden…but the initial years really not a breeze. 

Money wise…i am still broke. Hopefully my future me can be so much richer than the current me!

Posted in Uncategorized

Dear zachy

Now u are 19mo. Soon turning 20mo. U are still chubby, toddling around and growing a mind of your own. 

Your first words – apple, diaper, NO!, there.

You eat tons of food. U like to sway to music. U love to do things on your own wo help. You do not like reading books…

Your terrible 2 phase came early.

Nonetheless, u are still our darling as you are my last bb.

Love u loads zachy!

Love,

Mummy

Posted in Uncategorized

Growing up!

After the demise of LKY, Eli has comprehended the idea of birth, age and death. In the past couple of months, he has been asking us how it will be if there’s no longer Daddy or Mummy. How will we remain in his heart. In the first place, why we aren’t there. What will happen to Zachy. What about his friends. When he grows older, what will become of Zachy. If he dies too, will we be sad, etc.

Based on psychological theories, kids mold their thoughts/maturity when they enter certain age stages. However, through Eli, I realised that there’s no harm in exposing them earlier to many issues in life n simplify difficult topics to doses that he understands. I was quite glad to let him know that even if daddy and mummy aren’t around, there will always be his brother, uncles, aunties around..he is not alone.

As I took care of Zachy fully for the past 16 weeks, I felt the strain, the fatigue since I do not have a maid nor help. I was cranky and moody. And it struck me nonetheless that there would be no other time like now that I can get to spend so much time with Zachy. Seeing him grow from a newborn to now an infant and comparing him to the growth of Eli, the impact of time loss is ever so great. Being a mum of 1 versus a mum of 2, the process becomes harder too. Growing up really means more responsibilities and hard work. Hopefully in a few years time, I will look back at this period and reminisce instead of lament.

At this stage, I am proud to say I managed to take care of my kids alone with uncle mark. We did not succumb to getting a maid nor putting my kids with in-law/parents. Though occasionally I have to admit that we do get some help from them, especially times of emergency (when eli ended up in A&E to remove a piece of item stuck in his nose) and over some weekends when we wanted a couple of coffee-break hours. Other than that, it’s me facing the kid 24/7…washing, cleaning, packing and doing light household chores in the absence of my weekly helper. I have to pat myself on my back.

Of course, this also means that other things take a backseat…such as exercising to get my figure back. Haiz. Growing up has never seem to make my figure better. Instead, my figure looks more and more like an auntie. Oh Gosh! It’s such an uphill task. Fortunately, being a hot mum is not in my life goals. I just wanna be a decent mum and hopefully my kids will love me more and more along their years of growing up! Growing up is tough!

Posted in Uncategorized

August Shopping Spree

The way to kill my time during maternity is to go online spree and take many many photos of my last bb.

And tula carrier rocks! Love the comfort!
Now just need to wean off bf and regain my body to lose weight. Haiz

Constant battle w e grams and kilos

Posted in Uncategorized

Confinement over!

It’s impt physically and mentally to have massage sessions during confinement period…coz e relaxation and need to talk to someone is important…sharing of interesting information makes staying home less boring.

On hindsight, did I lose weight? Nah…did my tummy disappear? Nah..but I did get my tight muscles relaxed…my tummy flabs tightened slightly…

Guess my current goal at 30yo is to bloody lose weight..any easy way?

Posted in Uncategorized

Confinement Chronicles – Week 2

As I move towards the 2nd week of my confinement, I have loads to thank about.

Of course must thank my mil, uncle mark and mum for coming to help take care of Eli and Zach while I do all sorts of other non-essential stuff.

I think the most important thing that tied me through this 2nd week is the loads of magazines that I have gotten some time to read up on. Newspapers! Never a great fan but reading is a food for the soul (somehow).

All the doc visits to do Jaundice tests, gynae checks…quite an experience. I mean if it was with uncle markie…I would have ensure that I slipped in a great meal of sorts to reward myself for the hard work. Now, with Mil, eh…have to restrict my diet.

Of course, it does not help to know that I only lost 10kg post pregnancy. Sighz…more hard work required to ensure that I lose even more.

Hopefully when the massage lady comes during week 4 of my confinement…more weight can be lost. Sighz…

Confinement Chronicles – Week 1

I personally think that internet is a bane for confinement period. But what better idea to document this down since it will be most prob my final experience w pregnancy, confinement and all.

Prior to delivery…I already had master plans on the things I wanna get online. So what I did? My fave hobby…online spree.

What I bought? OMG…even I can’t believe myself.

1) Kitchen shelf – so that I can make sure that I have more counter-top space in my every cramping up kitchen.

2) Cable box shelf – so that I can make sure that my study table in my bedroom is clutter free

3) Ottoman – so to replace the magazine/newspaper rusty rack that I have used for the past 4 years.

4) Storage boxes – for what…still figuring out…I wanted to use them to store baby clothes/bags etc…

5) Bag Organiser – coz I decided that with all the SG50 bb packages, I have plenty of diaper bags hanging around

6) Multiple USB Charger – so that we can finally renew the current one to prevent explosion (constantly having this fear of it exploding since we have been using it for so many years)

7) Undies – though I am still using disposables…I personally thought it will be nice to get new, high waist ones to wrap my ever exploding belly.

8) Kitchen cooking set – simply cant stand the ones we have now. Need a change. Realised its more a want than a need

9) 10L waterproof bag – I think this was an impulse buy to compensate the impossibility of going swimming with Eli…since I dun have a beautiful bod now plus I cant go into the water…hopefully uncle mark will put this bag to better use

10) Lactation cookies – Life saviour! Especially at night when I am super famished. Ok dun judge me when I am not breastfeeding to the max…but I do get hungry after being a human pacifier every other hour. If only 3 years ago…there were such a thing

11) Stroller bag – Coz I foresee more bottles, more water wamers, more diapers, more everything to be loaded onto the small pram we have…grr…talk about logistics…

Ok..and the list still continues…coz I have not gotten more bb clothes, towels, bedsheets…$$$$$$ kaching kaching!

Week 1 confinement is passing by fast enough. I mean b4 I know…it’s Sunday! All e scary thoughts of going through e epidural injection, getting cut open etc..over! Never again. This time round I actually slept through part of e delivery process coz I felt too much pressure and they had to take a longer time cutting through my wounds..sigh…pains of a mum.

Needless to say..this time round e wounds are taking longer to heal. I feel e pain more intense than b4. Of course uncle markie said I was silly not to take e painkillers but I decided that I should rely less on the medication and focus on more positive stuff like busying myself around e house…eating and drinking and trying to produce more milk.

With e postpartum belt..I constantly feel e restriction in breathing…too loose and my back aches…too tight and anything I feed into my tummy makes breathing or lying down very uncomfortable and difficult. Painz!

I thought that postpartum sweats would take place immediately for me like how it happened in my first pregnancy. Immediately after birth! Then I realised that this time round it decided to come every night instead…which is quite tormenting to b sleeping perspiring like u are running in your sleep. But good thing is not much water retention felt during this pregnancy and postpartum.. 🙌

Zachary proves to b easier to take care of. I think that’s coz I am more acceptable to feeding him formula at night which allows me to sleep slightly longer…though he has a magic kind of sensor that refuses me to lie on my back for more than 10min b4 he wails loudly for either a carry or a suckle. Attention seeking. But dun they all!

Eli being a big bro now is showing defiance in other forms like constant throwing of tantrums…negotiations…seriously…to negotiate w a 3yo…Sigh…wonder at times who’s e adult and who’s e child.

All thanks to tingkat delivery….one thing less to worry and prepare. Food is good though I think I gonna have diabetes soon w all e red dates tea…gosh! And soups…all the soups..i dun even have e stomach to eat rice. Which is good I guess..but considering that I go hungry so quickly later on is also kinda irritating!

Today we managed to bring Zachary and Eli out for morning walk. So peaceful. I think I can enjoy more of such moments…ita quite therapeutic. To have a bb in my arms…a kid cycling and chatting beside me about e day…nice!

I am blessed. With good health, good kids, good husband and so far good family structure. Not e best but enough. Life compared to many can b worse. And I am constantly telling myself how fortunate I am to b born here. Meet e peeps who I meet and enjoy luxuries which many can’t even meet the basic needs.

This confinement period…albeit boring…i should b more determined to do more reading and reflections. Shall hang in there.

Final stretch to life changing moment?!

I officially am counting down..14 days to e birth of my 2nd son.

Will that change my life forever? That’s no brainer right.

Will that improve or worsen r/s in the family…hmm that’s a serious thought that I dun have e energy to deal with at the moment.

Will taking maternity leave change my duties in school? Definitely and crossing  my fingers…I do hope not. I really like my current class and wish to progress with them. Throw me a special need kid and I will have to re start all over 😥

Will my figure change for the better or worse?! I am still looking for e perfect remedy to get rid of all the stretch marks that I have obtained and thinking of getting exercise equipment to start my toning and losing of weight…can I even lose 0.3kg when my target is 30kg? Hmm

Hols for 2? Selfishly I do want a break from e kids to go on a couple trip. But the thought of natural disasters, planes downing, accidents…all make me re think e importance of enjoying freesom at the expense of leaving my young kids alone in e world and helpless. I think I really embrace the mindset of all for one one for all.

Save vs spend? I am trying hard. At 30yr old. I do realise that I have nothing much to my name. No high flying career with blitz and glitz, no travelling momentoz to brag about. No tumultuous relationships to share. No hot figure to brag about. Not in mood for cafe hopping…simply not a big fan of photography and food. Just plain simple go w the flow family life. I guess that’s why I stopped updating many posts on fb. Dull boring life I have. Given a 2nd chance. I dun think I ever will trade it for anything. I guess contentment at 30 has settled in earlier than I thought.

Maid? Nah. Coping alone as a couple has its perks. At least minimally I can walk around e house half naked, spoil my house items wo feeling indignant, burnt out doing housework yet indulge in the little joys personally. And not experienxing through eyes of others. Best part, I earn I spend. Not I earn to let someone enjoy e comforts of my home.
So w a new infant. Life just has to b better! And I do for once hope that life can b as peaceful as it is now.

Posted in Uncategorized

How big can a belly gets?

According to my body size…I should have a flat small tummy. Since I was overweight prior to pregnancy…e tummy obviously does not concur w my body size nor height.

At 7th months now I look like I am due any moment. The dismay I feel when I have to open my legs wider to accommodate e belly when sitting down or squatting or even a simple lifting of e thighs. What did the freak I got myself into?!

The constant backache and desire for a massage everyday. The difficulty in breathing makes me feel like a fish out of water. Fantabulous pregnancy! Now I have a belly which officially defies gravity. Wow! I suspect e big belly contributes to e constant heat which I am feeling…yippee 😥

The past 1 term has also been a whirlwind where I am constantly marking my ass off to meet e upcoming bookcheck. Which I am still wondering why why why…unnecessary stress placed on unnecessary stuff.

I just want e hols to come so that I can bed rest myself for a couple of days b4 inviting e 2nd term of terror w lesson observations etc. Ict lesson somemore…logistics madness w e kids.

Maybe I should also line up a series of pampering treats to make myself feel better. If not for $ I wonder do I still work as hard?

Guess life can always be better and contentment is never enough for moi.

Posted in Uncategorized

Time off!

And b4 I know it…Jan is 3/4 way over. Investiture is over. I am half way into seeing bb tarni physically out in my arms. Not sure if I should be rejoicing over the impending lesson observations and trainings…😧 CNY! Yippee to some hols and festive spirit though albeit a small one. Hopefully I remember to wrap some ang baos w my goldfish memory now.

Truly I need a much needed time off from everything. Have been nursing this stupid flu since I was in my first trimester and it hasn’t really gotten better. Plus I wonder if there’s a no vomit pill or side effect when taking iron pills. Driving me nuts to constantly have to swallow down my urge to puke after eating that dreaded pill. So much so that I eat spinach and drink horlicks like crazy…feel like a sickly elephant walking ard.

As I plan my weekly lessons for my class, I am always inspired to plan activities to teach eli…but parenting is driving me crazy. I can’t fathom why eli rejects learning writing via letterland when every other day he is asking me for paper to do doodling. I dun ask him to write e letters but more so of tracing dots which he refuses w all his might and rather succumb to 1 corner and do his usual work of drawing circles and lines. Not that I mind…just finding it tedious to introduce structure in his learning. Now even doing e letterland actions becomes a chore to him. Yet everyday he torments me with e need to read put loud fairy tales…fractured or not. Grrr. Motivation no more.

Maybe I should outsource, outsource outsource and take a backseat in everything. From cleaning to cooking to teaching. Haiz.

So when will my time off come? Guess I can only wait till Mar. Till then…I hope I am still sane and holding up well.

image

Rascal w his mega plane. Maybe that's a sign!

Posted in Uncategorized