Final stretch to life changing moment?!

I officially am counting down..14 days to e birth of my 2nd son.

Will that change my life forever? That’s no brainer right.

Will that improve or worsen r/s in the family…hmm that’s a serious thought that I dun have e energy to deal with at the moment.

Will taking maternity leave change my duties in school? Definitely and crossing  my fingers…I do hope not. I really like my current class and wish to progress with them. Throw me a special need kid and I will have to re start all over 😥

Will my figure change for the better or worse?! I am still looking for e perfect remedy to get rid of all the stretch marks that I have obtained and thinking of getting exercise equipment to start my toning and losing of weight…can I even lose 0.3kg when my target is 30kg? Hmm

Hols for 2? Selfishly I do want a break from e kids to go on a couple trip. But the thought of natural disasters, planes downing, accidents…all make me re think e importance of enjoying freesom at the expense of leaving my young kids alone in e world and helpless. I think I really embrace the mindset of all for one one for all.

Save vs spend? I am trying hard. At 30yr old. I do realise that I have nothing much to my name. No high flying career with blitz and glitz, no travelling momentoz to brag about. No tumultuous relationships to share. No hot figure to brag about. Not in mood for cafe hopping…simply not a big fan of photography and food. Just plain simple go w the flow family life. I guess that’s why I stopped updating many posts on fb. Dull boring life I have. Given a 2nd chance. I dun think I ever will trade it for anything. I guess contentment at 30 has settled in earlier than I thought.

Maid? Nah. Coping alone as a couple has its perks. At least minimally I can walk around e house half naked, spoil my house items wo feeling indignant, burnt out doing housework yet indulge in the little joys personally. And not experienxing through eyes of others. Best part, I earn I spend. Not I earn to let someone enjoy e comforts of my home.
So w a new infant. Life just has to b better! And I do for once hope that life can b as peaceful as it is now.

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How big can a belly gets?

According to my body size…I should have a flat small tummy. Since I was overweight prior to pregnancy…e tummy obviously does not concur w my body size nor height.

At 7th months now I look like I am due any moment. The dismay I feel when I have to open my legs wider to accommodate e belly when sitting down or squatting or even a simple lifting of e thighs. What did the freak I got myself into?!

The constant backache and desire for a massage everyday. The difficulty in breathing makes me feel like a fish out of water. Fantabulous pregnancy! Now I have a belly which officially defies gravity. Wow! I suspect e big belly contributes to e constant heat which I am feeling…yippee 😥

The past 1 term has also been a whirlwind where I am constantly marking my ass off to meet e upcoming bookcheck. Which I am still wondering why why why…unnecessary stress placed on unnecessary stuff.

I just want e hols to come so that I can bed rest myself for a couple of days b4 inviting e 2nd term of terror w lesson observations etc. Ict lesson somemore…logistics madness w e kids.

Maybe I should also line up a series of pampering treats to make myself feel better. If not for $ I wonder do I still work as hard?

Guess life can always be better and contentment is never enough for moi.

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Time off!

And b4 I know it…Jan is 3/4 way over. Investiture is over. I am half way into seeing bb tarni physically out in my arms. Not sure if I should be rejoicing over the impending lesson observations and trainings…😧 CNY! Yippee to some hols and festive spirit though albeit a small one. Hopefully I remember to wrap some ang baos w my goldfish memory now.

Truly I need a much needed time off from everything. Have been nursing this stupid flu since I was in my first trimester and it hasn’t really gotten better. Plus I wonder if there’s a no vomit pill or side effect when taking iron pills. Driving me nuts to constantly have to swallow down my urge to puke after eating that dreaded pill. So much so that I eat spinach and drink horlicks like crazy…feel like a sickly elephant walking ard.

As I plan my weekly lessons for my class, I am always inspired to plan activities to teach eli…but parenting is driving me crazy. I can’t fathom why eli rejects learning writing via letterland when every other day he is asking me for paper to do doodling. I dun ask him to write e letters but more so of tracing dots which he refuses w all his might and rather succumb to 1 corner and do his usual work of drawing circles and lines. Not that I mind…just finding it tedious to introduce structure in his learning. Now even doing e letterland actions becomes a chore to him. Yet everyday he torments me with e need to read put loud fairy tales…fractured or not. Grrr. Motivation no more.

Maybe I should outsource, outsource outsource and take a backseat in everything. From cleaning to cooking to teaching. Haiz.

So when will my time off come? Guess I can only wait till Mar. Till then…I hope I am still sane and holding up well.

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Rascal w his mega plane. Maybe that's a sign!

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2015

The start to a new year w 42 new kids and 1 more to expect in may – jun.
First day of school was a disaster! I flooded my new laptop…totally unexpected. Surprisingly, I was seen to b super calm w a lot of os gg through my mind. What a freaking start. Thanks to a great bunch of obedient 42 kids…I survived e first week! Yay!

And e first week came w news that uncle markie has to make another trip to e states…leaving me to handle eli all alone. In my preggy state. Damn tiring.

Despite all, I did have time in e toilet to think through of my life ahead. With my hectic job schedule…(yes…seems more work this year w all e assigned duties increasing as e year goes..) and e idea of  managing 2 kids w no help, I am seriously contemplating of getting a helper. Weighing e pros and cons, I realised that I can’t seem to let go of managing my household and kids. I rather b more hands on in everything. At least I can control e quality and progress.

Set back? no time to preen and prune myself. So I thought am I happy w being seen as a 黄脸婆 over time? Nope. Do I have e luxury of time to exercise? Nope. Then freak…where do I find time for myself? Absolutely no clue for now.
Then came e answer. When I sent eli for his new found chinese class at tian hsia..that’s where I can have at least an hour to hit e gym in e future or have a cuppa w uncle markie. Is that e best option? No. I feel the guilt in leaving eli in a class to gain some personal time. But I guess that’s better than to hire a maid. Really do not want e extra financial burden cum responsibility of taking care another being.

So I have to grit my teeth and plan carefully on how I am going to manage my family in w future. Wo much help from anyone that is. Just this week wo cooking makes me feel so upset w myself. Eli and Zachy not getting e best nutrients. I can’t wait for mark to come home. I need sleep and definitely a well needed back massage.

All I hope is a blessed 2015!

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Survived! Omg!

Eli has been so attention seeking while his beloved daddy goes on overseas trip to e states. So all thanks to e idiot box cum baths cum multiple toys could I get him to be distracted while I take a pee or check on dinner or take a rest somehow in e midst of all chaos.

He starts to ask for something. ..which meant biscuits tidbits etc…driving me nuts coz he just ate a decent meal an hour ago. Followed by milk…omg…

Fortunately I have his school to rely on for sanity for most part of e day before he starts terrorising me at night. Basically I cannot b out of his sight and during sleep time…his peculiar habit of having to hold hands started out of nowhere…jeez e insecurity.

Now that his daddy is back. I can’t wait to pass e baton and nurse myself in bed with e 2nd bb in my tummy. It’s getting tiring and trying.

Then again it’s so sad to hear him say he doesn’t want me anymore and daddy is his favourite of e day…Grrr…u grateful brat. Haiz..woes of motherhood!

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Ramblings alone

Uncle mark flew off to USA today. Sighz.

I miss having company at night to help take care of e son…with bb tarni causing morning sickness everyday.  Getting tiring. Cant handle so many things at night all by myself…

Sad part. Figure going downhill. I can’t stop eating and puking.  Weight just ballooning. Low self esteem. Sadz.

See so many preggy women w great glow. Me no glow…haiz. only turning into auntie…omg. what’s happening to me?!

Today was a pleasant time spending time w eli. It was quite sad for me to send uncle markie through e departure gates. Coz I felt alone. But eli made it all better. He was a brave boy.  No tears all smiles and we had quite a bit of fun in e airport after uncle markie left. Set me thinking. Actually I realised I never really left eli for more than a night.  I think it’s very difficult for me to ever leave him for more than a night.  Lol.

Fortunately it’s e hols. So I can stay at home and nurse my flu cum morning sickness.  Thanks to elis sch…eli gets his social life…still learn stuff while I get some free time lazing in bed.

As what uncle mark says…I am constantly hugging e toilet bowl. Hahahahaha so I definitely need me time to do so. Anyways shall hang in for 9 days. Seriously can’t wait!

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Pregnancy? !

What I like about pregnancy?  Nothing. Seriously!  If not for e outcome/result…there’s nothing enjoyable bout being pregnant. I am feeling uncomfortable everyday. I feel nauseous every other min. I vomit my food after every meal. Even drinking water ends up vomiting bubbles cum water.

I feel larthegic all e time. I deprive eli of play..making me feel even more guilty. I couldn’t even manage reading through a book wo feeling e urge to go to e toilet bowl.

Working is even worse. With already a terrible memory…now my working memory is close to nil. Assignments are harder to do day by day.

2nd trimester. If like the first, I would b sweating like crazy. I would feel so swollen due to my constant problem of bloatedness. I will have probs finding things to wear.  I will be worried bout more stretch marks though now it doesn’t really matter. The marks from e first pregnancy never went away anyway. ..

3rd trimester.  Elephant is me. Me is elephant. Have to lug myself everywhere. Taking kids out will b a chore. Poor kids. Can’t do much for them. Belittle myself. Grrr…so much things to do so little time. Sweat sweat sweat drip drip drip.  Snore like thunder.  Prob of gestational diabetes. No movement in tummy. .raise e alarm. Panic. Worried.

Last part. Delivery. Shiver like crazy on e metal bed. Epidural is damn scary affair. I never like it. Will never grow to like it. Doc, nurse, whoever just pray I go out safe and no side effects nothing.  I dun take too well to morphine. Vomit like nuts while being sewn together. Just gross. Those who said they cried when e bb is out. Never felt that. Cold hearted am I.  More like…omg…my bb is out! Finally out!  Now let me recover…zzzz

And the next 2 years become a whirlwind.

Gals that love pregnancy. ..they should thank their lucky stars that everything went smoothly for them.

Enough of whining. Suck it up and move on!

October Dreams

All deadlines are fast approaching on 10/10. I am quite looking forward to clearing this semester and enjoying e Nov,  Dec break.

2014 has been a good year of learning and upgrading. Of course my GPA could b much improved but for a working mum, my only wish is to get e cert and move on. Can’t wait to have my own class, own rules and own children to manage. At least /alas…more autonomy!

Not many can boast of being able to cook, clean and take care of a kid while studying and facing multiple datelines wo a helper or an in – law.  That said, it also comes with a price on myself. Eczema flared to become pscrosis,  weight soared and digestion issues sprout up as e year progresses. Sacrifices of a wife and a mum.

It’s quite interesting to hear how some of my ex colleagues telling me that they want to be hot mama or even a mum that is successful and that I should be more careful about my appearance and not center my life too much over Eli. True to certain extent that I have neglected myself too much apart from my periodical facials and massages. So I vow to make it good and better after this bb ‘Tarni’ as named by Eli, really taking care to not take everything upon myself.

But I guess my mantra still stands that no mother is a good mother if she doesn’t know how to take good care of her child. Taking care as in not to delegate to the maid to cook healthier dishes but herself knowing how to cook healthier dishes for her children. Taking care as not to throw her children to school to learn all e values and not reiterate the right mindset at home.  Taking care to teach academia, set routines and disciplinary actions instead of over indulgence or leave it to e grandparents. Taking care to not send children for enrichment for the sake of aspiring their children will be geniuses when they aren’t (one should know your child better than others) and set realistic goals for the children holistic development. Taking care to play with the child and not throwing the child to a maid or a tech gadget.

In midst of all, taking care that e hubby is also being taken care of and quality time is spent w him when e children are sleeping.

Planning to end 2014 with a bun in my tummy wasn’t as planned. Then again life comes with many surprises and this is one surprise that I hope to get over and done with. Unlike many other mummies I have read or come across. I suffer from morning sickness throughout e day which means that I can’t really concentrate on work wo wanting to visit e toilet bowl every other min. If only there’s e results wo e process. hmm. ..

As much as I lament and whine, I know that I am very fortunate to have a great husband, son, family and friends. May not have e most $ to own luxuries such as car and a high position in e working field but am still learning to accept and embrace plus be contented with my everyday small happiness.

Looking forward to many healthy, happy days ahead!

A LONG TIME…

It’s been a super duper long time since I managed to update anything on this blog. All thanks to practicum where I was so freaking tied up with planning and planning and more panning. So glad that it is over and now I am on a week’s beak prior to 2nd semester all over! 

How I wish time will just stop at this break for a short while…I think I need it!

These past few months I have been doing tons of observations, reflections and came to many conclusions. There are so many different types of people in the world. Specifically, there are so many types of parents in the world. Everyone tries to put up a facade that they are the best parents (e.g. on social media). Everyone paints the lovely image of a perfect family.

I realized that that’s not what I want my children to grow up on. I rather my son lives a humble life. At least a life where parents aren’t out to impress other parents that they are the best by supplying fantastic gifts for B-days (inculcating materialism is a huge no-no).A life where making mistakes are fine provided that he understands the reasons (logical consequences) behind every ‘no’ instead of just depriving him or telling him off. A life where parents bother to cook, clean, show independence on taking care of themselves; so that my children see a role model and emulate in the future (where they would need to take care of themselves, their own families) and not everything depend on grandparents. Many times, such family dynamics result in finger pointing on why their children turned out to be in a certain manner.

A life where parents are there with them every step of their lives midst of their busy schedules (out of genuine heart to partake in the kids’ lives and not another photo taking opportunity!). The best food, best clothes, best toys do not matter more than a genuine heart. As the road to mold my children’s character is long. I do hope I change my own character and personality to help mold theirs. 

I should and if I could, stay true to my very own core of being simple. In this world of materialism and hypocrites, it’s going to be a tough ride to being true to oneself. I am changing and I do hope in time, I can be a better person to show and influence my children. 

 

Meantime, thanks to all the friends out there. I cannot wait for the various catch-up sessions prior to all the assignments and planning of a new school term. Excitement! 🙂 

Hongkong 2014

Magical Disneyland now takes on a new different meaning for me. It used to be a land of laughter and happiness. This trip adds on another layer of love! It’s so cute to see Eli’s reactions to the rides and meeting the Disney characters upfront.

This trip was hectic. First day, we arrived rather late and could only manage to go to Avenue of Stars to see some sights. Then again, it’s the same sights with BIGGER billboards and flashier neon signs. Second day, we woke up rather early to catch the boat to Noah’s Ark. Not a very popular tourist destination in HK but it was a good experience. The island was very self-sufficient and totally resemble Sentosa. As usual, anything to do with animals is Eli’s fave.

Third day is OMG Disneyland. I apparently caught the flu bug or suffered from the bad air in HK. Couldnt breathe properly without wanting to sneeze every other min. GRRRR….spoilt the fun. Didnt even stay for the fireworks. Good thing is Eli is properly entertained by all the rides and shows. It was still fun!

Fourth day was Macau. Disappointing. Nothing fantabulous. Thanks to Dreamworks, it was still a trip to look forward to. Eli loves Alex and of course, he got 1 to bring home. Toothless was super duper real! The person in the suit must be sweating like hell from the yoga position.

Last day, we headed to Citygates and did some shopping. AH….end of HK trip. What have we done?! Time just zoomed past. Thankfully I love vacations for the ability to stay in hotels and not do some cooking or cleaning for once. YIPPEEE!!

Back to SG – reality check.

Maybe the next holiday to Aussie will be more relaxing and happening. Time to start planning and hitting the Google travel button for more tips/deals/whatsoever!

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