2015

The start to a new year w 42 new kids and 1 more to expect in may – jun.
First day of school was a disaster! I flooded my new laptop…totally unexpected. Surprisingly, I was seen to b super calm w a lot of os gg through my mind. What a freaking start. Thanks to a great bunch of obedient 42 kids…I survived e first week! Yay!

And e first week came w news that uncle markie has to make another trip to e states…leaving me to handle eli all alone. In my preggy state. Damn tiring.

Despite all, I did have time in e toilet to think through of my life ahead. With my hectic job schedule…(yes…seems more work this year w all e assigned duties increasing as e year goes..) and e idea of  managing 2 kids w no help, I am seriously contemplating of getting a helper. Weighing e pros and cons, I realised that I can’t seem to let go of managing my household and kids. I rather b more hands on in everything. At least I can control e quality and progress.

Set back? no time to preen and prune myself. So I thought am I happy w being seen as a 黄脸婆 over time? Nope. Do I have e luxury of time to exercise? Nope. Then freak…where do I find time for myself? Absolutely no clue for now.
Then came e answer. When I sent eli for his new found chinese class at tian hsia..that’s where I can have at least an hour to hit e gym in e future or have a cuppa w uncle markie. Is that e best option? No. I feel the guilt in leaving eli in a class to gain some personal time. But I guess that’s better than to hire a maid. Really do not want e extra financial burden cum responsibility of taking care another being.

So I have to grit my teeth and plan carefully on how I am going to manage my family in w future. Wo much help from anyone that is. Just this week wo cooking makes me feel so upset w myself. Eli and Zachy not getting e best nutrients. I can’t wait for mark to come home. I need sleep and definitely a well needed back massage.

All I hope is a blessed 2015!

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Survived! Omg!

Eli has been so attention seeking while his beloved daddy goes on overseas trip to e states. So all thanks to e idiot box cum baths cum multiple toys could I get him to be distracted while I take a pee or check on dinner or take a rest somehow in e midst of all chaos.

He starts to ask for something. ..which meant biscuits tidbits etc…driving me nuts coz he just ate a decent meal an hour ago. Followed by milk…omg…

Fortunately I have his school to rely on for sanity for most part of e day before he starts terrorising me at night. Basically I cannot b out of his sight and during sleep time…his peculiar habit of having to hold hands started out of nowhere…jeez e insecurity.

Now that his daddy is back. I can’t wait to pass e baton and nurse myself in bed with e 2nd bb in my tummy. It’s getting tiring and trying.

Then again it’s so sad to hear him say he doesn’t want me anymore and daddy is his favourite of e day…Grrr…u grateful brat. Haiz..woes of motherhood!

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Ramblings alone

Uncle mark flew off to USA today. Sighz.

I miss having company at night to help take care of e son…with bb tarni causing morning sickness everyday.  Getting tiring. Cant handle so many things at night all by myself…

Sad part. Figure going downhill. I can’t stop eating and puking.  Weight just ballooning. Low self esteem. Sadz.

See so many preggy women w great glow. Me no glow…haiz. only turning into auntie…omg. what’s happening to me?!

Today was a pleasant time spending time w eli. It was quite sad for me to send uncle markie through e departure gates. Coz I felt alone. But eli made it all better. He was a brave boy.  No tears all smiles and we had quite a bit of fun in e airport after uncle markie left. Set me thinking. Actually I realised I never really left eli for more than a night.  I think it’s very difficult for me to ever leave him for more than a night.  Lol.

Fortunately it’s e hols. So I can stay at home and nurse my flu cum morning sickness.  Thanks to elis sch…eli gets his social life…still learn stuff while I get some free time lazing in bed.

As what uncle mark says…I am constantly hugging e toilet bowl. Hahahahaha so I definitely need me time to do so. Anyways shall hang in for 9 days. Seriously can’t wait!

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Pregnancy? !

What I like about pregnancy?  Nothing. Seriously!  If not for e outcome/result…there’s nothing enjoyable bout being pregnant. I am feeling uncomfortable everyday. I feel nauseous every other min. I vomit my food after every meal. Even drinking water ends up vomiting bubbles cum water.

I feel larthegic all e time. I deprive eli of play..making me feel even more guilty. I couldn’t even manage reading through a book wo feeling e urge to go to e toilet bowl.

Working is even worse. With already a terrible memory…now my working memory is close to nil. Assignments are harder to do day by day.

2nd trimester. If like the first, I would b sweating like crazy. I would feel so swollen due to my constant problem of bloatedness. I will have probs finding things to wear.  I will be worried bout more stretch marks though now it doesn’t really matter. The marks from e first pregnancy never went away anyway. ..

3rd trimester.  Elephant is me. Me is elephant. Have to lug myself everywhere. Taking kids out will b a chore. Poor kids. Can’t do much for them. Belittle myself. Grrr…so much things to do so little time. Sweat sweat sweat drip drip drip.  Snore like thunder.  Prob of gestational diabetes. No movement in tummy. .raise e alarm. Panic. Worried.

Last part. Delivery. Shiver like crazy on e metal bed. Epidural is damn scary affair. I never like it. Will never grow to like it. Doc, nurse, whoever just pray I go out safe and no side effects nothing.  I dun take too well to morphine. Vomit like nuts while being sewn together. Just gross. Those who said they cried when e bb is out. Never felt that. Cold hearted am I.  More like…omg…my bb is out! Finally out!  Now let me recover…zzzz

And the next 2 years become a whirlwind.

Gals that love pregnancy. ..they should thank their lucky stars that everything went smoothly for them.

Enough of whining. Suck it up and move on!

October Dreams

All deadlines are fast approaching on 10/10. I am quite looking forward to clearing this semester and enjoying e Nov,  Dec break.

2014 has been a good year of learning and upgrading. Of course my GPA could b much improved but for a working mum, my only wish is to get e cert and move on. Can’t wait to have my own class, own rules and own children to manage. At least /alas…more autonomy!

Not many can boast of being able to cook, clean and take care of a kid while studying and facing multiple datelines wo a helper or an in – law.  That said, it also comes with a price on myself. Eczema flared to become pscrosis,  weight soared and digestion issues sprout up as e year progresses. Sacrifices of a wife and a mum.

It’s quite interesting to hear how some of my ex colleagues telling me that they want to be hot mama or even a mum that is successful and that I should be more careful about my appearance and not center my life too much over Eli. True to certain extent that I have neglected myself too much apart from my periodical facials and massages. So I vow to make it good and better after this bb ‘Tarni’ as named by Eli, really taking care to not take everything upon myself.

But I guess my mantra still stands that no mother is a good mother if she doesn’t know how to take good care of her child. Taking care as in not to delegate to the maid to cook healthier dishes but herself knowing how to cook healthier dishes for her children. Taking care as not to throw her children to school to learn all e values and not reiterate the right mindset at home.  Taking care to teach academia, set routines and disciplinary actions instead of over indulgence or leave it to e grandparents. Taking care to not send children for enrichment for the sake of aspiring their children will be geniuses when they aren’t (one should know your child better than others) and set realistic goals for the children holistic development. Taking care to play with the child and not throwing the child to a maid or a tech gadget.

In midst of all, taking care that e hubby is also being taken care of and quality time is spent w him when e children are sleeping.

Planning to end 2014 with a bun in my tummy wasn’t as planned. Then again life comes with many surprises and this is one surprise that I hope to get over and done with. Unlike many other mummies I have read or come across. I suffer from morning sickness throughout e day which means that I can’t really concentrate on work wo wanting to visit e toilet bowl every other min. If only there’s e results wo e process. hmm. ..

As much as I lament and whine, I know that I am very fortunate to have a great husband, son, family and friends. May not have e most $ to own luxuries such as car and a high position in e working field but am still learning to accept and embrace plus be contented with my everyday small happiness.

Looking forward to many healthy, happy days ahead!

A LONG TIME…

It’s been a super duper long time since I managed to update anything on this blog. All thanks to practicum where I was so freaking tied up with planning and planning and more panning. So glad that it is over and now I am on a week’s beak prior to 2nd semester all over! 

How I wish time will just stop at this break for a short while…I think I need it!

These past few months I have been doing tons of observations, reflections and came to many conclusions. There are so many different types of people in the world. Specifically, there are so many types of parents in the world. Everyone tries to put up a facade that they are the best parents (e.g. on social media). Everyone paints the lovely image of a perfect family.

I realized that that’s not what I want my children to grow up on. I rather my son lives a humble life. At least a life where parents aren’t out to impress other parents that they are the best by supplying fantastic gifts for B-days (inculcating materialism is a huge no-no).A life where making mistakes are fine provided that he understands the reasons (logical consequences) behind every ‘no’ instead of just depriving him or telling him off. A life where parents bother to cook, clean, show independence on taking care of themselves; so that my children see a role model and emulate in the future (where they would need to take care of themselves, their own families) and not everything depend on grandparents. Many times, such family dynamics result in finger pointing on why their children turned out to be in a certain manner.

A life where parents are there with them every step of their lives midst of their busy schedules (out of genuine heart to partake in the kids’ lives and not another photo taking opportunity!). The best food, best clothes, best toys do not matter more than a genuine heart. As the road to mold my children’s character is long. I do hope I change my own character and personality to help mold theirs. 

I should and if I could, stay true to my very own core of being simple. In this world of materialism and hypocrites, it’s going to be a tough ride to being true to oneself. I am changing and I do hope in time, I can be a better person to show and influence my children. 

 

Meantime, thanks to all the friends out there. I cannot wait for the various catch-up sessions prior to all the assignments and planning of a new school term. Excitement! 🙂 

Hongkong 2014

Magical Disneyland now takes on a new different meaning for me. It used to be a land of laughter and happiness. This trip adds on another layer of love! It’s so cute to see Eli’s reactions to the rides and meeting the Disney characters upfront.

This trip was hectic. First day, we arrived rather late and could only manage to go to Avenue of Stars to see some sights. Then again, it’s the same sights with BIGGER billboards and flashier neon signs. Second day, we woke up rather early to catch the boat to Noah’s Ark. Not a very popular tourist destination in HK but it was a good experience. The island was very self-sufficient and totally resemble Sentosa. As usual, anything to do with animals is Eli’s fave.

Third day is OMG Disneyland. I apparently caught the flu bug or suffered from the bad air in HK. Couldnt breathe properly without wanting to sneeze every other min. GRRRR….spoilt the fun. Didnt even stay for the fireworks. Good thing is Eli is properly entertained by all the rides and shows. It was still fun!

Fourth day was Macau. Disappointing. Nothing fantabulous. Thanks to Dreamworks, it was still a trip to look forward to. Eli loves Alex and of course, he got 1 to bring home. Toothless was super duper real! The person in the suit must be sweating like hell from the yoga position.

Last day, we headed to Citygates and did some shopping. AH….end of HK trip. What have we done?! Time just zoomed past. Thankfully I love vacations for the ability to stay in hotels and not do some cooking or cleaning for once. YIPPEEE!!

Back to SG – reality check.

Maybe the next holiday to Aussie will be more relaxing and happening. Time to start planning and hitting the Google travel button for more tips/deals/whatsoever!

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What have I done?

It’s really interesting to pin down what I have down over the couple month. What really gets me down every other day is the vast amount of work that I have to clear as the datelines are getting nearer. Obviously, procrastination has to take a backseat as I deal with assignments day after day, doing bit-by-bit. It’s interesting how I only wanted to achieve a pass grade & I feel that I end up doing more for certain modules…anxious to be  in the average range than the bottom. 

It’s totally a assignment boot-camp.

Key takeaway? Great friends. Sharing our experiences, going through the same difficulties. Felt LOVED w all the encouragement + last min printing of notes for me…& great understanding of me concussing through nights when I just can’t stay up. LOL (blame on Eli..hahahaha)

English modules are particularly my love. Make me feel happy. I love reading & listening to stories.

1 particular quote that struck me:

Story always tells us more than the mere words,
and that is why we love to write it, and to read it.
—Madeleine L’Engle,
“Introduction,” A Wrinkle in Time

Inspired me to constantly building a library & wanna empower Eli to have a love for reading, albeit no writing. I love how Eli has garnered an interest in reading, remembering the story lines + singing certain songs/rhymes associated to each book.

Teaching has really increased my knowledge on how to go about educating Eli & helping children around me. YAY!

Great profession though will prefer if less can be expected of teaching from society’s viewpoint. 

Just a thought: Civil servants aren’t literally servants. It will be great if more time can be placed on planning & executing lessons than administrative tasks to benefit children in the long run. 🙂

 

 

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